WHEN IS THE RIGHT LENGTH TO DATE

One question I've always asked myself about being in a relationship is this. Should you date for a very long time before you know that person is the right one for you? If you must, for how long? And if you mustn't, why? 

If you date too long, someone, especially the ones very close to you, would say you don't have to wait for too long. And if you date for a short time, they'll say you should have gotten to know the person better by dating for a longer time. So which one is the best duration to date? Or is it a personal thing?

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LARA McKING EPISODE 9: THE SHADOW

'Uncle Jack, look at this', Adora said, handing the phone to Jack.

Jack looks at the phone. 'It's him. It's the Shadow'.

'Who the heck is that?'

'He's a hacker. A smart one at that. No one has ever seen him before. He's believed to be a myth. But I recognize his signature. We believe that he has something to do with my brother's disappearance but we have no proof yet. He covers his tracks well'.

'How come he can access Laly's phone?', Debby asked Jack.

'I don't know. But somehow he or someone working with him must have gained access to this phone and ever since he has been monitoring it remotely.

'Apart from her, no one can access her phone except me', Debby said. Looking at me. I could see the surprise on her face.

'Debby. I want you to think very carefully, in the past one week, who has had access to this phone? No matter how short a time it was. Even though it was for few seconds', Jack asked her.

'I . . . I can't remember . . . I don't think anyone has'. Debby wasn't the careless type. One of the reasons I wanted her close to me was her power to organize things. She was physically shaking and I felt confused myself.

'Debby please try and remember', I said and held her hands, trying to calm her nerves. For some seconds I continued to hold her hands and she became very quiet. And all of a sudden she came alive. 

'I remember something. In the elevator. Someone asked to use my phone to call his. He said he dropped it somewhere and didn't know where. I handed him the phone and watched him dial it. It was actually in his briefcase. That was all. He didn't do anything to it'.

'Did you get to see his face?'

'Not really. He had a face cap and glasses on. Didn't occur to me to really look at him'.

Jack looked at Adora and back to Debby.

'Miss Debby, that wasn't his number he dialed', Adora said. 'He actually inserted some codes and activated the phone so he could control it remotely. Only high level programmers can do that'.

'Can we see the number?', Jack asked.

Debby scrolled like her life depended on it.

'The number isn't here anymore'. She said

'I thought as much', Jack said. 'But not to worry. We're going to track the signal and use it to pin point his exact location'.

'Using his own codes against him. Brilliant!', Bella said. 

Jack goes to his table and connects the phone to his laptop. For a while I saw him do somethings that I probably didn't understand.

'I have all I need'.

'So now is he blind?', I asked eagerly.

'Not really. You're phone is still being monitored'. Jack replied. 

'But that wasn't the idea. The idea is so that I won't be'.

'Yea I know. But I decided to keep it that way. If he suspects that he's being followed, we might loose him. This is the closest we've come close to him. Let him think no one's watching him so that we can see what he's up to'.

'So what do I do now?', I was already panicking.

'I'll use the same signal to trace him. Very soon we'll be able to see what he really looks like and know what he wants and stop him before he gets it'.

'I'm so sorry Laly. This is all my fault', Debby apologized and started crying. It's been like donkey years I saw her cry. The last time she cried was when her puppy died. She cried her heart out that day. 

'It's not your fault', I said hugging her. 'You didn't know. We'll get to the buttom of this. You have nothing to worry about'. I cleaned her tears. 

'One more thing', Jack said. 'We need to make sure you're protected'. He goes to his room and comes back with a another cell phone, connects my phone and the new phone to his laptop and did some clicks here and there. After a while he gave me the new phone.

'I just cloned your phone. He can be able to track your phone but not this one. I'll keep yours with me. Every info you need is in there. Let me monitor this and before long we'll get him'.

'Like how long will that take?', Bella asked.

'I don't really know yet. But it might take a while. But you have nothing to worry about. We'll get him'.

'Ok. I'm relaxed knowing you're on top of it. But wait a minute. Adora installed something on my phone. Will that still work on this?'

'That's not a problem Miss Lara. I can fix that'. Adora told me and collects the phone from me and did her magic. 'There', she said and handed it back to me. 'Hope you remember how to activate it?' 

'I do Miss Aistine', I said smiling. She smiled too. So cute.

 

'You flatter me', she said still smiling. 'I forgot to tell you. It can record any event right on your phone, whether you switch it on or not. It uses the cloud technology. You can watch it as it's happening or save it for later. It can also detect body temperature. And with the face recognition technology, it can detect and tell you who exactly is in the room. But you need to upload the entire database of your company onto the device. I can do that later. Maybe before you get home'

'How can I repay you guys', I said, overwhelmed.

'Don't worry Miss Lara. You're family now', Bella said. 'Come here you', She hugged me warmly.

'Can I have one of those?', Debby asked. 'Wanna spy on someone and maybe upload her 'disturbing behaviors' on YouTube'. As she said that, she gave me a wink and I knew she was talking about Delilah. 

As much as I wanted to get rid of Delilah, her personal life wasn't of any interest to me. Except when it had to do with mine.

'Don't mind Debby. We don't need another'.

'Come on. It would be fun. Please!' She pleaded like a two year old begging for candy.

'No young lady. As much I want to ruin her pathetic life, we're not doing any of your James Bond moves on her. That's too degrading. Even for us'. I concluded.

'You're adopted', Debby said and twisted her face.

'Yea I know. And I love you too'. I couldn't help laughing.

We said our goodbyes and Debby drove me home. I couldn't wait to try my new toy. But a question kept coming to my mind. 'Who would have been at my office at that time of the night?'

NEXT DAY: LARA'S OFFICE

I got to the office earlier than usual. I had to check to see if the locks were broken but they weren't. I was a bit confused. I got inside, checked everything and nothing was moved or missing. Everything was exactly the way I left them the previous day. 'I'm going to know who's behind this, sooner or later', I said to myself. 

Was so very excited about my new gadget. Debby was even more excited as she came in.

'So how's it going to get stuck up there?', she asked me, pointing at the top right corner of my office. 

'She just threw it and it got stuck and that's exactly what I'm going to do'. I answered.

'Just like that?'

'Yea?! You got a better idea?'

'Yea! I could carry you up so you could reach it. Or I could bring in a ladder. Your call'.

'I don't need a ladder. If she could do it, so can I. Or are you going to do it?'

'Hell no! It's your office, you do it. But what if it doesn't stay up there?' What if you break it'.

'Come on I'm not six'.

'But a six year old built that'.

'A six year old who is obviously smarter than both of us put together. I can do this. Let me concentrate'.

We looked like teenagers fighting over whether Babie is better in pink or red. Finally I threw it and it got stuck, just the the same spot as Adora's. And the green light came on automatically. We were so excited we started singing and dancing. Seriously we looked funny.

Then we had a knock on the door. It was Sid.

'Morning Lara', he greeted.

'Morning Sid'.

'Please do excuse me', Debby said and left.

'Lara, you've been avoiding me. What exactly did I do?'

'Sid, you're a great guy. Really. But I can't go out with you. I've tried telling you that but you keep making things difficult'.

'Why? Is it because of Jack?'

'Who I decide to go out with isn't your business and I would really appreciate it if you stayed out of it'. 

'Come on Lara, you need a man that can take care of you. Not just a low life that thinks poetry is the best way to take care of a woman. Going around calling everyone his rainbow'. When he said that, there was a quick pause and I could swear I saw him blink. Not a normal blink but the 'Oh my God! What the heck did I just say' kind of blink. I was stunned. 

'Sid. How do you know that?'.

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LARA McKING. Episode 8 - Alpha Code

I wanted to be sure I heard well.

'She's your what?'

'My niece'.

'So this is . . .?'

'Yes!'

'And she's your . . . '

'Yep'.

'And you're not . . . '

'No I'm not married'.

'Why didn't you just tell me from the onset?'

'I wanted to but I was waiting for the right time. And also you wouldn't let me'. 

'Nice to meet you officially Miss LaraMcking', the little girl said and handed me a hand.

'The pleasure's all mine little one. So he's not your dad?

'No he's not. And I know what a relief that must be for you'.

'You think?! You have absolutely no idea child'

'Oh believe me I do. And you must have been jealous too'.

'I . . . '

'Say no more ma'am. Say no more. You've already told me that long ago and you were very specific about it'.

'Me? When did I ever?' Then she gave me that 'Oh please! You know what I'm talking about' face. I just laughed. 'A nine year old like you shouldn't read people like that you know. It's kind of embarrassing'.

'Why shouldn't I? Everybody's an open book. And I'm on page five on your story. And for the records, I'm six. Not nine'

'What?!' I was stunned. She was six? And this intelligent and smart? 

'Yea I know. I surprise myself too'

'You're six and you're this intelligent?' I just had to ask.

'Of course I am. You can't expect to get a dummy when two geniuses mate. That would be wrong. An error. A disappointing result to life. It would definitely not be right'.

I could have sworn my jaws dropped. This kid was amazing.

'I need one!' I said to Jack.

'Of what?' Adora asked. 

'Of you! My God! You are amazing. And cute. How would anybody in his right mind not want you?' I told her. 

'Simple! Marry uncle Jack. I mean his gene is perfect and all. Plus, you could get someone even smarter than me. Who knows. But I doubt that very much'. As she said that she gave a big grin. I just wanted to steal her away right there. 

'I'm glad you guys could work this out together'. Bella said. That was the first time she said something. She was looking even more beautiful, at least after knowing she wasn't a rival. 

'And I'm glad you're not dating Jack'. I had to let that part out. I had wanted to say that for a long time. 

We were all seated in the sitting room by now as we chatted away.

'I don't know what we would have done without Jack. He's been our inspiration and strength. I pray we get to find my husband soon'. Adora said. 

'And we will. Trust me', I told her with confidence I knew not where it came. 

'Jack, did you tell her?' She said looking at Jack. 

'Tell me what?'

'About Project Adora?'

'What's that?' My curiosity was already hungry.

'It's a software Adora developed for tracking the wired transfers. 

I started laughing so loud I had to hold the glass of wine to make sure it wouldn't fall off. But when I saw I was the only one laughing, I felt stupid and I stopped. Not even Debby supported me. She felt even more confused.

'You're kidding me right?!'

'No I'm not', Jack said. Adora is exceptionally intelligent. She understands and deals with advanced physics like it was nothing. And it wasn't a surprise that they wanted to kidnap her before we moved here. They must have learnt of her exceptional intellectual abilities and wanted to use her as bait to make her father do what they wanted and maybe experiment on her. You never can tell what they had in mind'

'But thanks to uncle Jack they never had that chance'. Adora said.

'We're also working on something else'. 

'What's that. Hope I'm not asking too much?'

'No you're not. You're part of our team now. Adora and I are working on a program that will show us past events.

'Like a time traveling machine?'

'Not really. But better. With this device we can be able to follow events as they occurred in the past. Like we were actually there while it happened'. 

'Like seriously? How is that possible? Wait! Is that even possible?'

'It is miss Lara' Adora said. 'Let me explain. Every action we take and every word is being monitored by satellites strategically positioned around earth. We're going to build a little something of our own and tap into these satellites to make this thing work. I did a demo and it worked perfectly. But we need better equipments to cover a wider range. 

I was still in a state where 'shock' wouldn't be the right word strong enough to describe how I felt when she said 'Maybe you would like to see a demonstration' and she went to her room upstairs. She came back with a device and connected it to the television.

'Now, everything we ever said or did since you came here will be replayed right in front of you', she said. 'I know it's a lot to take in but please don't freak out'.

Then like a movie, I watched everything we did and said right from the time we stepped into the house. It was like we each had a camera and microphone with us. I couldn't believe what I was seeing right in front of me.

She constantly moved her hand over a ball-like thing. It served as a navigation button and she followed us everywhere we went. I could see outside the house or under the table in another room. Every incident until the time we were watching the event. This was amazing.

'Somebody pinch me!' And Adora did. 'Aww! That hurt'

'You said pinch me'.

'Not literally. You knew that didn't you?'

'Sure I did. Just enjoy doing that to uncle Jack. You should see his face when's he's surprised'. She gave me a cute smile. 

I thought I was the only person that was amazed by this little angel but I was wrong. Debby had that look on her face that Po had when he was chosen as the Dragon Warrior in Kunfu Panda. I wish I could take a picture of that face. 

I thought I was in a science fiction movie. Now I know why I never heard about her. She was special. People would pay billions just to get their hands on her. There and then I promised myself to do all I could to make sure she was protected.

'So what do you think?' She asked me, switching off the device.

'What do I thing? Seriously?! You're amazing! How did you learn all these. This stuff is way too advanced for me. Let alone you. How and where in God's name did you learn all these?'

'Uncle Jack thought me most of them and I learnt some from books. I just applied them to real life'.

'I couldn't afford sending her to school for fear of being discovered', Jack explained. 'So I taught her myself. Advanced science is like nursery rhymes to her. She writes codes that surprise even me'.

I was speechless. Someone must have pressed my mute button.

'How can I be of help Jack?'

Then he looked away. 'Lara, what I'm about to ask won't be easy for you. I've tried to go around and see if there's any other way but I couldn't come up with an option'. He took a deep breath. 'Lara, to be able to go live with Project Adora, we need total and absolute control of your company's equipments. And the only way we can do that is to have the Alpha Code combinations'.

'What?!' Debby and I shouted in unison.

'Who told you about that?', I asked with surprise on my face.

'Lara, I know a lot about you than you think I do'. 

The Alpha Code combination is a set of codes that grants you access to all areas of the entire conglomerate, both home and abroad. You could alter figures, close down any of the company's branches, transfer funds without any loose ends. You could do just about anything with the Alpha Code.

'Jack. You know what you're asking me to do right?'

'I know. I know you could loose everything. But I'm asking you to trust me'.

'Jack you know I trust you with my totality. Give me your word that I won't regret this'.

'You won't. I give you my word. And again, to show you that your company is in good hands, I'll tell you a little secret. Adora took a look at the algorithm and codes and she could break it. And you wouldn't even know we're in. But we chose to ask'.

Both Debby and I looked at each other like we just heard Michael Jackson was making a comeback.

'You could?', I asked looking at Adora.

'Yea. Piece of cake. I've studied it for three weeks now', she said with so much confidence.

'Miss Lara, I would do anything to find my husband. I know if you were in my shoes you would probably do the same', Bella said. I saw tears flowing freely down her chics.

This was too intense. I loved Jack and from the little I know about him, he would do anything to protect the ones he loves.

'Ok'. I said finally. 'I'll give you the Alpha Code.

'Really?' Bella shouted in excitement. 'Oh come here', she said hugging me. I could hear her cry over my shoulder. 

'It's ok Bella, it's ok. Everything will work out just fine. Don't worry'. I consoled her.

'Thanks miss Lara, but I don't need the code'.

'What?! But you just said . . .' I started

'I know. We just needed your permission, not the code. I can break it. And to show you how grateful we are, I'll build you a stronger one and replace the old one'.

'Another one? How would my father not notice?' He too has part of the combination. What I have is just one part. My brother, father and mother all have their own part. How are you going to replace the new code with the old one without them noticing?'

'Leave that to uncle Jack and I. We know what to do'. 

'Lara I'm so grateful. You won't regret this', Jack told me.

'I know I won't. Just make sure you find your brother. Your happiness is mine as well'.

'Yes Lara'

'Enough with the Lara. I'm still Laly. Your Laly'. 

Then he held me closer and kissed me.

'Come on! Get a room!' Debby said as Bella and Adora laughed.

'Come on let me show you something', Adora said. Pulling me away to her room upstairs. 'I have a gift for you'

'Really?', I asked. 

When we got to her room, I saw things. Her room was more like a laboratory. Different kinds of gadgets, most of which she made herself.

'Give me your cell phone', she asked. I did. She then did something to it and gave it back to me. 'Watch this'. She said and threw something at the top corner of the room. It must have been magnetic or something because it stuck to the wall and a tiny green light came on.

'Come on', she said, dragging me out of the room. 'Now press this when I go into the room and watch what science can do'.

She went into the room and closed the door. When I clicked where she told me to click, my phone suddenly became a camera and I could see and hear everything happening in her room right on my phone. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

'How did you do that?!' I asked her when she came out.

'Science, miss Lara. Science. And I'm giving you as a gift'.

'Really?' This kid was too much. I felt so excited I wanted to tell Debby everything.

'Let me have your phone', Adora requested. I gave her. 'I want to expand the coverage so you can be in your house and monitor your office'.

'That is so cool. Did you design this?'

'Yea I did'.

She was clicking some buttons when she suddenly stopped and looked at the phone like she just found something bad. 

'What is it?'

'Your phone is being tracked'.

'What?! By who?'

'Someone called the 'Shadow' and the signal is coming from your company. Your office to be precise'.

'My office?!'

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CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE HIM

The name's Anna. Two years and four months ago I started a home delivery company with my boyfriend. We have been doing well and the business has really grown. We're now in three states in the country.

Eight months ago I met this guy. He showered me with gifts and all. Told me he loves me to bits and even proposed. He's been pestering me ever since. I've tried shaking him off but he keeps coming back. My boyfriend says I'm giving him too much room and is threatening to end the relationship.

He also says he wants to divide the company equally so we can go our separate ways. I've not been myself ever since he told me this. I love my boyfriend very much and can't afford to loose him.  I really don't know what to do. 

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LARA McKING: EPISODE 7: ADORA

'Come on in'. The little beautiful girl said to us.

I hesitated but when I looked at Debby, she gave me a nod and I felt a little bit relived. The whole place was beautiful. I was upset and curious at the same time. But when I stepped in, the whole anger disappeared and I was left alone with curiosity. But it was later joined by a feeling that said 'this guy has taste. He sure knows how to soften an angry woman's heart'.

Maybe I should describe what I saw. A candle light dinner for two, a bottle of my favorite wine, my favorite song playing and what was my favorite color doing here. (I have a thing for pink. I know most ladies do).

'I thought this was suppose to be dinner? No one mentioned the 'two' part'. I said to Jack as he came out to receive us.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you', He tried explaining.

'And you think doing that now will make any difference? Or was it just a scheme to bring me here?'

'I'm sorry Laly, I . . .'

'Please! It's Lara', I cut him. I didn't stop him because I was angry but I didn't want him calling me that name. It was the way he called me. It had an effect on me that made my knees stutter, as if they wanted to say something.

'I'm sorry about that', he apologized.

And for some seconds we stood there, waiting. For what exactly? I had no clue. But we felt we were waiting for something. Maybe for someone to say or do something I guess.

'Could you grown ups excuse me. I have stuff to do', the little girl said and left.

'And I have something to do in the kitchen. Do excuse me'. Adora said and left.

Then Debby looked at me and then at Jack.

'Don't worry, I'll just go', She said and went into the kitchen.

Then Jack looked at me and smiled. I avoided his gaze like it was going to bore a hole right through my skull.

'Please come to the table', he gestured. I followed.

He drew my chair for me to sit and placed the napkin on my laps. 'This is awkward', I thought. Suddenly my anger began to build up. I suddenly felt used.

'Lara, I . . . ',

'Jack please! What really are you trying to do here? Tell me', I bursted out.

'Lara I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my family before now but I . . . '

'You what Jack?! You what?! I can't believe I actually did feel something for you. But you lied to me. Why would you do that Jack? I felt you were different. Flaunting your charms and making me feel like I was actually loved. But no! You had other plans. Maybe you wanted a rich girl. And I was the perfect specimen'.

'Lara . . . '

'Don't Lara me'. By this time I was already on my feet. 'You have a wife and daughter for crying out loud Jack. You expect me to be ok with that. How is that even possible? I may be a fool but I'm not your fool Jack'.

'Lara, I know you're angry but . . . '

'You think?!'

'But please hear me out first'

'Give me one good reason why I should'

'Because you came. And if I know you the way I do, you wouldn't want to go without hearing the truth'.

He was right about that one.

'Please just sit down and let me explain. If you're not satisfied with what I'm about to say, you can leave and I promise I'll not even look in your direction ever again. Please!'

I don't like it when he begs but I had no choice. But somehow I wanted to hear him out. So I quietly sat down.

'Lara, I'm sorry again for everything I've made you go through. None of it was my intension. But allow me explain everything. If by the time I do and you still don't like what I say, you can leave and I won't stop you. Please'.

I was beginning to melt but I tried as much as possible not to show it. 'Lara, if you really want to be clarified on this issue, sit down and listen'. I had to speak to myself.

'Ok Jack. Talk to me'.

'Thank you Lara. Two years ago, my twin brother Tim, was working on a project.

'You have a twin brother?', I was shocked'

'Yes I do and he was the head scientist at a large corporation in Italy. He was actually working on an antidote for a deadly disease they just discovered and he was really making progress with the work. The company is owned by a popular billionaire. This disease defiled every medicine ever made by humans. Doctors were called from around the world to help eradicate the disease.

My brother is a very smart person. He studied medicine and was always tops in the class. He graduated with distinctions in Harvard. All he ever wanted was to build hospitals where the less privileged would be taken care of. That was his dreams. That was why we agreed for him to lead the project in the first place.

The victims were contained and my brother and his team worked hard to make sure they found a cure. The disease was airborne and it could kill within four to five days. No one knew how it came about. No one knew its origin but my brother was determined to fight it. He told me everything he did and every progress they made.

Last year they broke through and created a cure. I never saw my twin brother so happy all my life. A week to the day the antidote was suppose to be administered on the victims on national television, he suddenly disappeared. His teammates were also nowhere to be found. Every link from him disappeared like they never even existed. His phones, pager, email addresses. Everything gone'.

'Why didn't you report to the authorities'. I asked him.

'I tried everything. Local police, international detectives and even private investigators. But no one seamed to have a trace of his whereabouts. I even traveled to Italy myself but I found nothing. It was like my brother never exited. That was when I knew it was worse than I thought. So I decided to do the investigations myself.

From my investigations, I found out that a certain organization has been sending cheques to the families of the scientists that were working with my brother. And we've also been receiving such cheques too. It comes every week. I must say it is quit huge. My guess is that someone somewhere is planning something and my brother and his team are helping him against their will. I may be wrong but I think whosoever is keeping them is planing to reproduce the virus and the antidote and sell them in the black market. You know how dangerous that can be. The virus can be created and replicated but it's very difficult. My brother is the only person that can make that happen. And that's why our cheques are five times larger than the other ones. The transfers are always encrypted with the latest technology. Softwares and codes I've never heard or seen before.

'Lara, these people are not just playing around. They mean business. They kidnapped my brother and those scientists.'

'But if they were kidnapped, why would they still be sending the scientists' families money every week?

'I know my brother, he must have agreed to do whatever they asked if only they took care of their families. We thought they kept to their words until one day I caught a man trying to kidnap Adora. I was able to overpower him, took his gun and shot him in the leg. He then confessed that he was asked to do it. He said he never met the person and that he only got his payment via a secure channel and their communications were always on hark-proof lines. When I checked his account, I found out that they were the same codes they used in transferring the money to the scientists' families and to us as well. So I had to move my family here. And I know my brother, he must be planning something because I know he would never agree to do anything that would endanger human lives.

'When I thought all hope was lost of ever finding my brother and the scientists, I was able to decipher a particular set of codes that was used in sending money to one of the families. I've been monitoring their accounts as well. They use different codes in sending these money to these families every week. And guess what, I found he works for you'.

'What?!', I couldn't believe I was hearing this. 'Are you saying I have something to do with any of this?'

'Not at all Lara. Your family members are good people and they wouldn't do such a thing. I did a thorough research on your company. But someone from your company is working for these people and they're using your company as a cover'.

'This is too much to take in. How come? I have a mole in my company? How is that even possible?'

'It's true Lara. That was why I had to take the job in your company in the first place. Your company has the best gadgets in the world. So I came here for solely that purpose. But so many things changed when I met you. But family comes first. I know you of all people can understand that'.

I felt really bad about this. The whole anger disappeared almost immediately. I really wanted to hold him, hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright.

'I'm sorry to hear about your brother's disappearance. I truly am. If there's anything I can do to help please let me know'.

'I should be the one apologizing. Sorry I wasn't being truthful about the whole me'.

'It's ok. I understand. If I were to be in  your shoes, I would probably do the same'.

We hugged.

'So what's next? You're just going to continue your investigation as if noting happened between us? Maybe you would probably leave town with your wife Adora and daughter. Is that it?' I felt like crying n it must have showed on my face.

'About that', he said standing up and smiling. 'Adora! Bella!' He called out to his wife and daughter. They came out from the kitchen, holding hands. Debby was with them. 'Lara, meet my brother's wife, Bella. And her daughter, my niece, Adora'.

'What?!'




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DEALING WITH REJECTION: Part One

Knowing how to deal with rejection and what to do about it will help you to cope and recover more quickly. Rejection happens to us in so many ways and I'm here to help you handle it in love relationships because I've been there myself. 

If any of this happened to you (uuuuhm... I can almost guarantee you've had a deal with at least a couple of those - as I have too) I imagine you're feeling hurt, disappointed, perhaps angry and maybe even a failure. These are all normal feelings under the circumstances!

You may want to come back to this page for any of the following reasons for being so painfully shunned.

Constantly feeling rejected or dismissed out of the blue?

That rejection could have come completely out of the blue or you were prepared for it.

Perhaps you have known for some time that your relationship hasn't been right. Deep down you may have been expecting a major fall-out.

Perhaps you’ve been puzzled by the way your partner has changed.  Maybe you thought that he or she was just having a bit of a rough time, or perhaps you suspected an affair.

If you've been getting the cold shoulder all of a sudden or for a while, I can understand if you're desperate to talk it through with someone you can trust. There's nothing more reassuring than some trustworthy advice on how to deal with the situation.

Your feelings are part of your very personal response to either bad news or feeling let down by someone important to you.

To explain that - someone else in your position might have brushed it off, felt even worse or couldn't have cared less.

Your reaction will to some degree depending on your specific circumstances of course, including your relationship history.  The way in which you found out that you are no longer wanted or loved will also have a bearing.

However, the following ‘normal’ reactions - all on a scale - are what I would generally expect to see in anyone who has just been given really bad news:

• during the first few minutes you may have felt unable to speak
• you may have felt shaky
• your breathing might have changed and perhaps you felt dizzy or faint
• you might have felt rooted to the ground
• equally you might have wanted to run away
• you may have been conscious of how much faster and harder your heart was beating
• you may still feel sick now
• you might find it hard to eat anything
• you're likely to find that your abilities to sleep, concentrate, remember and think are all affected
• you may feel anxious about all sorts of things

Most of these symptoms are likely to slowly disappear in the following days, possibly replaced by a sense of gloom, sadness and lack of interest in anything 

After a couple of weeks you should begin to see some light again.  Very slowly the periods that you feel a little better will become more frequent and last longer.

After 4 - 6 weeks you’ll be getting on with things again, and feeling you are beginning to recover.  'Good' days may still be intermingled with really lousy days, but you are on the right track towards dealing with your rejection.

On the whole men recover more quickly than women. Men’s memory don’t naturally hold onto emotionally laden material.  However, I have seen this reversed many a time. 

Dealing with rejection and insecurity

As human beings we have a strong need to feel secure.  But after you’ve been rejected your sense of security is threatened, you may feel abandoned, scared and / or hopeless. 

It’s no wonder that these feelings can so often lead to insecurity. You may be wondering when the next 'blow' with bad news and painful emotions will come and from which direction.

It's important that you don’t start to worry about feeling 'fragile' as well - under the circumstances it's normal to feel vulnerable. And that sense of impending doom will eventually disappear.

Criticism and rejection are very much part of life - everyone gets criticised and rejected!

How rejection fuels insecurity

If you have felt badly led down in previous relationships - however old you were and for whatever reason - rejection now may fuel your feeling that you are ‘not worthy’ of having someone special.

It may also be that you have felt rejected over a period of time - perhaps by your partner generally treating you with contempt.

If that sense of worthlessness does not pass, please promise me that you'll find some professional help.  Counselling can really help you to 'find yourself' again and discover how to deal with rejection, because as much as it hurts, it unfortunately is part of life.

An opportunity? Really?

Don't forget, it may actually be a blessing that you were let down, thrown out, cast by the way-side or replaced! Perhaps, if you looked deep into your heart, you knew you were in the wrong relationship or that you had 'lost yourself'.

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Drop your comments.

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Like our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/kissdiary

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